Happy: Aug 9, 2012

Yesterday I heard my baby’s voice. I saw my baby’s face. I picked up my baby and no one had to help me. I swaddled, shushed, swung, and sided my baby and put him to bed. Yesterday I saw another newborn and it didn’t make me cry. Yesterday was the best day of my life. Oliver’s doctors gave me that. Oliver’s nurses and respiratory therapists gave me that. The support of our friends and family gave me that. Tim and Poppy gave me that. Your prayers gave me that. God gave me that. Oliver gave me that. There has never been a gift so precious as yesterday. I’m still crying about it.

It’s been more than a day and he is STILL breathing on his own. He is a miracle. His doctors and nurses agree. There were days and weeks where it looked like we’d never get here. When he went back on the oscillator. When his tube was blocked. When his right sided pressures were so high. When he just could not tolerate weans on the ventilator. But here we are. He’s doing it. He’s defying the odds. I can’t even begin to find the words for this. I’ve never been so happy. I’ve never been so grateful. I’ve never believed so strongly in the power of positive thoughts, faith, and God.

Im afraid to believe it. I’m afraid it’s too good to be true. I’m afraid to feel relieved. I’m afraid I’m getting ahead of myself. You never BEAT CDH, there are always threats. He needs to get rid of that chyle. He needs to get rid of those clots. He needs to learn to eat food. He will always only have one lung, and it’s been heavily ventilated for a long time, so it will always be fragile. A cold I would give Poppy some Tylenol for could land Oliver back in the hospital. He will always be at risk of reherniation. He could still develop reflux which is very threatening to a kid with one lung. And those are just the frequently occurring complications. But still, he’s over this hump. He’s beaten the ventilator part of CDH. He can support himself. HE IS NOT ON LIFE SUPPORT. I might still be scared, but I’m not life support scared anymore. I’m supporting-his-own-life relieved. And I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been since February 18th.

Oliver had all kinds of visits today from all the amazing people who’ve brought him to this point and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Or more blown away by them. They’re not just doing a job. They mean it. It feeds my soul to see people care so much. People are amazing, and the people at Sick Kids are a special kind of amazing. Nurse Sam and Dr Raghad cried with me today when Raghad told me that he would have challenges but would live. Nurse Marci cried with me yesterday when they decided to extubate him. That’s not a job. That’s love.

Oliver’s chyle is finally starting to slow down. Pray that it continues to and that the tubes don’t back up to complicate his breathing. He is off the fentanyl, and is now continuing the wean on morphine, which is 100 times less strong (actually) than fentanyl. He’s on 7 mls/hr of food, and at 10 will start cutting back on TPN. Still chugging away on those clots. He had an ultrasound today of them, we haven’t heard back yet and are hoping no news is good news.

Tim and I both got great cuddles today. Our Dads missed out on hugs, but my mom came by at just the right time so she got to hold him too! He also wore his very first outfit today, a shorts onesie that Poppy picked for him with hippos and monkeys on it! He looks so sweet and big and healthy in it! Good days these days. Xo

Love is good for health ❤